How to Teach a Spy's Class
by TribalForEagle
Summary: When Scorpia makes a threat against Alex and his school,guess who's sent in to protect them?Yep, you got it,the SAS.How will they keep their sanity with the teens in Brooklands school?Answer is,they won't,with a spy and his friend hell bent on revenge.
1. Prologue

**Okay, when I first wrote this chapter, the next day it was deleted off my computer, so this is an improvised version. I can tell you, I was pretty pissed off when it was deleted, so this may be kinda rushed. It's also the Prologue. So it's not might long. That over with, R&R and enjoy!**

**Also, this is the beta'd version of the chapter. And I have ObsessivelyOdd to say thanks to that!**

**Disclaimer: If I owned the Alex Rider Series, K-Unit would be in every book, and Ben Daniels would marry Jack just for the pisstaking of the name.**

**How to Teach a Spy's Class**

**Prologue**

* * *

"You want us to do _what_?!"

In an office of the Royal & General Bank, five disgruntled SAS units, the two Heads of MI6 and an agent sat, discussing an important protection mission that the SAS weren't very keen on doing.

"We want you to go and teach in a high school to protect the students from a certain danger,"Mrs Jones, the deputy Head of MI6, stated, while she suckedon a peppermint. The agent, Ben Daniels, shook his head.

"Which school is this?" he asked, sceptically, and Mrs Jones congratulated him mentally; he didn't miss anything.

"Brooklands. It's in Chelsea," Mr Blunt said rather, well, bluntly. Ben's eyes widened and then he grinned.

"Excellent. Any particular person we're meant to be protecting?" he asked, and Mrs Jonesanswered.

"One of the teens there, Alex Rider, needs protection from Scorpia." Mrs Jones calmly saidand Ben's eyes lit up in joy, before it turned into anger and finally concern.

"What'd he do to piss them off this time?" Ben asked and Mrs Jones raised an eyebrow.

"It has been stated that it's for all the times he destroyed an operation of theirs. So for Invisible Sword and Royal Blue I expect."

Ben nodded once before turning to the SAS units standing with him.

"Who's Alex Rider?" Eagle asked and Ben smirked.

"You'll see soon enough."

"Alex Rider is our top agent and is only 15 years old. You will recognise him as soon as you see him," Mrs Jones said and the SAS men nodded. "Dismissed," she added.

On the ground floor, the SAS men were debating if they should go and have a look at this 'school' before they actually went to teach there.

"We should of asked if we're going as undercover teachers or not. Now we have no clue," Eagle moaned and Snake sniggered.

"Well, what do you think I was just doing?" Ben said**,** coming over to them. Wolf nodded at him in greeting before he continued. "We're not going undercover; we're just going to say we're elite SAS men here to protect the school until the threat which has been enlisted upon the damn place has been eradicated. Well, that's how Blunt said it anyways."

Wolf nodded again. "Right, so when do we start?"

"Tomorrow. We have to go pack today and then we get some houses close to Brooklands to live in. K-Unit, along with me, will be living on King's Road, near where the main target lives. Is that clear?" Ben said with a glare at the men, daring them to argue.

"How do you know him?" Eagle burst out and Ben smirked again.

"I've had the pleasure of having him for a partner on a mission. It's how I got shot," he said and then cleared his throat. "Right, me and K-Unit will go out first, then a unit every five minutes after. Coming, guys?"

Ben led his former unit to the front doors, oblivious to the conversation behind him.

"So we're protecting a teenage spy?" Bear, Ben's replacement asked in a low voice and Snake nodded.

"When I meet him, I'll kill him for getting Fox shot," Wolf growled and Eagle snickered while Bear and Snake rolled their eyes.

"And I also wanna kill the person who gave Cub appendicitis," Wolf scowled and Eagle raised an eyebrow.

"Can you actually give someone appendicitis?" he asked and Wolf shrugged.

"Hey, Eagle, did you know Wolf sent a card saying 'get well soon' to Cub?" Ben interrupted their conversation.

Wolf spluttered while Snake and Eagle looked shocked. Bear just looked downright confused. Then, thanks to the cough from Ben's mouth, they took notice of their location. They were in the car park wherethey left the car in. Ben got in while Wolf called shotgun and Snake, Eagle and Bear got into the back.

"So, King's Road, right?" Wolf suggested, tryingto change the subject.

* * *

**AN: Yes, it's short for a reason. That reason being that it's the prologue. The chapters will get longer in time, but other than that... was it a hit or miss? Please review and tell me. And again, thanks!**

**Flames are pretty...**


	2. Druggie Mates and Highness

Disclaimer: Why must thy not belong to me?! I've bribed Anthony so many times, but he just doesn't seem to want chocolate!!!

AN: Yes, this is the next chapter! Thank you for all the reviews I've received! Special shout-outs for all the people who did review, and thanks for encouraging me! I seriously thought I wouldn't get 1 review, so it's nice to get a multi amount! Also, another shout out for ObsessivelyOdd who asked to be my beta, which I'm very grateful for seeing how I wasn't even looking for one. So they are ultra amazing! Thanks!

I actually thought a good while about this chapter. I wanted it to be long, and not rushed, and have an odd twist. So, I put an aim for 2000 words. And I have no clue how many I've done. R&R and enjoy!

**How to Teach a Spy's Class**

**Druggie Mates and Highness**

* * *

"_Alex Rider..."_

"_Rider..."_

"_Alex..."_

_A looming figure, swanked by many others, surrounded a small figure which lay on the ground in a tight ball. One of the figures – a woman – cackled while an old looking man stood next to her, leaning heavily on the cane which had a scorpion engraved into the silver handle. The man smiled devilishly at the hunched figure on the ground._

"_You think you could outsmart _us_ Rider? You think you could outsmart Scorpia? You, a stupid, foolish, 15 year old boy?!" The man shouted, and the figure flinched visibly. Then, all the figures began to kick him, and you could see some of the faces of dead enemies to the boy Alex Rider; Herod Sayle, Dr Grief, Conrad, Ms. Rothman, Major Yu, and many other horrifying faces which Alex Rider never wished to see again._

"_Alex!"_

"_Alex..?"_

"_ALEX!"_

Alex jerked out of his nightmare to his housekeeper's, Jack, voice. He was panting heavily, and had sheen of cold sweat on his forehead. He groaned as Jack sighed. She shook her head and walked over from the doorway to his bed, when Alex lay, staring into space.

"Alex! Snap out of it! You have school, remember?" She yelled into his ear, and that got his attention.

"What times is it?" He asked while jumping out of bed and heading over to his wardrobe where all his school uniform hung up. He grabbed a shirt, a pair of trousers and his blazer before heading back to his bed and laying the clothes down on it.

"Well, its 7, and your school called, saying all students must be there for 8, to discuss 'new management'. Whatever _that_ means. Just be ready in 5, okay?"

10 minutes later sees Alex thumping down the stairs, yawning, and ready to eat. As soon as he enters the kitchen, he's sent to the side by an eager Jack, and then led to the table, on which lay a hearty breakfast of orange juice, pancakes and syrup.

"Oh, wow Jack. I never knew you could cook!" Alex teased, and Jack just glared. Just then, the doorbell rang.

"I'll get it Alex. You just eat up." Jack demanded before heading towards the door at an alarming rate. Alex just ate in silence while waiting for Jack to return.

"Well, someone's eager for today." An all so familiar voice said in a teasing manner, and Alex's head snapped up. (1)

"Tom!" Alex exclaimed, before getting up and heading over to his best friend. "What brings you here so damn early?"

Tom grimaced. "My parents have been at it since 5. I couldn't get to sleep, so I figured I'd come over here. You're always so kind to me, and I was also wondering if I could eat here too... Hey, what's that smell?" Tom asked, not even pausing for breath, and he followed his nose to Alex's breakfast, which left a few pancakes on, and Tom licked his lips before eating the remaining of them.

"Hey!" Alex exclaimed, and Jack laughed as she entered the kitchen and saw no remains of the breakfast she cooked up.

"Right, boys. I presume you're ready? Because I've got to get you to school in twenty minutes!" Jack smiled, and Alex rolled his eyes.

"So much time already passed?" He asked, and Jack nodded, before bouncing off outside with Alex and Tom in tow.

* * *

At 8 o'clock in the morning, Alex and Tom were at school and sitting in the back row of the assembly hall.

After Jack had taken them to school, they had 5 minutes to get into the hall and find seats. Everyone, including themselves, were now wondering why they had been called there so early in the morning. Alex was worried for some reason. Why would they suddenly be summoned to school so early? Alex's chain of thoughts ended when Tom, who was sitting next to him, poked him on the shoulder.

"Bray's onstage." He muttered and Alex nodded, before directing his attention to the stage where his head teacher, Mr Bray, stood, looking sheepish and afraid. All the other students continued talking, and that's when Alex noticed the unknown men by the side, all of them with added size on their torso. Alex frowned, and looked at the waist, where it was confirmed they had guns. His eyes widened and he turned to Tom, who was looking at Bray intently.

"Tom! Look at those men! Is there anything odd looking about them?" Alex whispered furiously. Tom looked towards the men, and he also noticed the odd size and bulges' at their hip.

"Who are they?" He asked Alex, in complete shock. Alex shrugged, and Bray called for attention.

"Excuse me!" He shouted, and all the babbling students shut up immediately. "Thank you. As you are all probably wondering why you have been called in early, I have an announcement to make. A threat has been made against our school," A few students gasped in horror at this, but Bray ploughed on. "And the men that are with us today are SAS and MI6. They are here to protect us and to do so, they have to teach," Several of the SAS men hissed or growled at this, not liking the fact that they had to teach some rowdy school kids. "But, I'll leave the rest for the MI6 agent to explain... So... um..." Mr Bray flinched, and walked to the side and off the stage shakily; he was nervous and also afraid of the SAS men. As he did so, a man with black hair and dark eyes walked onto the stage, and whispers came from every corner of the hall, mostly from the girls though.

"_Oh my, he's so hawt!"_

"_Do you think he's single?"_

"_Do you think he's straight?"_

Alex ignored these whispers, and turned to Tom, who looked excited.

"I know him; I've been on a mission with him." Alex stated, and Tom looked awed for a moment before realisation came over him.

"So, he's part of that unit you trained with? What if the rest of the unit are here?" Tom asked and Alex smirked.

"Then, we play pranks." And at those words, Tom grinned evilly.

"You're on. I want to see Wolf's face." And with that, the two of them cackled evilly.

"Attention!" The agent bellowed and all the whispers stopped abruptly. "Thank you. As Bray said, we are the SAS, and I'm a MI6 agent. We expect to be respected, and we also expect you to be on your best behaviour. My name is Ben Daniels, but you will call me Fox, as it is my SAS codename, and I am the head of this operation. Any problems with the soldiers and you come to me. Or if you can't find me, go to K-Unit, who are the deputies in this operation. Their names are Wolf, who is the leader of K-Unit," With that, a dark man with grey eyes and a short build came on stage, scowling. "Snake, the team medic." A thin framed man with fair hair went onto the stage, looking furious, yet trying to cover it up. He failed awfully. "Eagle, the arms man and idiot of the team—"

"Hey!" A brunette with blue eyes squeaked and everyone barring the SAS men laughed. "I'm not an idiot!"

"And finally Bear, who is my replacement after I was forwarded to MI6." A tall, buff figure with dark aura came onto the stage with a glare at everyone. "Is that clear everyone?"

Several choruses of 'yeah' came from several students; the rest just stayed silent. When suddenly, Tom did something stupid.

"I digress!" He yelled while standing up. Ben raised a single eyebrow while Alex tried not to laugh.

"Excuse me?" Wolf growled, and Tom grinned.

"I said, I digress! You must poop smarties out of your--!" Tom was cut off by an angry voice.

"Harris!" Mr Bray hissed at the boy, hoping that said boy back down, but far from it.

"Ass! Hahaha! I said ass!" Tom giggled, and Alex looked at his best like he was a maniac.

"_Is he high or something?"_

"_He must be. After all, he hangs around Druggie Rider, doesn't he?"_

"_Yeah, Druggie Rider, and his Druggie friends all get high."_

The whispers that emitted from the students made the SAS men frown and Alex and Tom laugh like idiots.

"Harris, and Rider, will you two stay behind after this assembly to discuss some certain matters?" Ben said, calmly. And before Tom could even answer, Alex snorted and said, without standing up,

"Hell no! I'm comfortable here, thank you! I have enough problems with my druggies and I deffo don't want anything to do with some clean peeps!" And that made Tom and even some of the other pupils who thought Alex weren't a drug addict. Ben looked confused for a moment before figuring it out and just muttered 'oh'.

"Just stay behind, clear?!" Wolf bellowed, and Tom laughed even more.

"Crystal, sir." Alex said and Wolf's eyes narrowed.

"Dismissed." Ben said quickly, and even quicker, the students dispersed from the hall, and from the 3 SAS men holding Wolf, trying to stop him from killing the two students which pissed him off. As soon as all the students had disappeared, the 3 holding Wolf back, let go, and Wolf shrugged, and glared at the door. Ben was grinning.

"Men, you just had a piece of Alex Rider and his best friend." He stated, and each of the men narrowed their eyes.

"The one that digressed?" Bear growled, and Ben chuckled.

"No way, that was his best friend. Alex was the one that went on about drugs. And the one that mentioned crystal."

"So what lessons are we teaching?"

* * *

"That felt amazing, Alex!"

Alex and Tom were sitting in their first class, which happened to be maths, and waited patiently for their teacher, or teachers. Tom was practically buzzing; irking the SAS men off was a high for him.

"I bet it did. Now we've got to worry about my identity. I bet they've been briefed about whom and what they are protecting us from, so I think they know my name..." Alex was cut off by a still hyper Tom.

"What about revenge? Play some hell-bent pranks on them?!" Tom giggled and grinned, and Alex was about to tell him off for being stupid but he stopped himself in time.

"Actually, that isn't such a bad idea... What do you think we should do first?"

Soon, they had dozens of ideas to make the SAS men's stay at Brooklands hell, like they made Alex's stay at Beacon Brecons complete torture.

"_We haven't got a teacher for maths."_

"_It's 9 am now; they'll be here in a second."_

And sure enough, the second that was said, the swung open and hit the wall harshly, and most of the class flinched. Except Alex and Tom of course, they just wanted to irk off their new maths teacher.

"Right, maggots, my name is Boar, and I'm your new maths teacher. This idiot next to me is Eagle, as you already know, and I'm in charge of keeping him calm. Understand?" 'Boar' grunted and the whole class nodded before the two SAS men went in; Boar sat at the desk while Eagle went to sit next to Tom. Alex smirked and Tom grinned as Boar began to take register. (2)

He finally got down to the 'H's and growled out Tom's name.

"Oh! I'm here, boring Boar! Did you like my little performance this morning? Alex and I are quite the trouble makers. Say, do you peaches?" Tom squeaked and Alex snorted while Eagle tried not to grin, and Boar tried not to explode. Both failed.

"HARRIS! SHUT THE FUCK UP!" Boar bellowed and Alex snorted again. Boar directed his attention to the teen spy.

"And what is your name, kiddo?" He snarled and Alex smirked before jumping out of his seat, crouching down on one knew, and bringing his hands up like a gun.

"The name's Rider... Alex Rider."

And after that, the whole class went into hysterics, Eagle just grinning, while Boar was red in the face. Eagle got up, and grabbed Alex by the upper arm, ignoring the teen's complaints.

"I'm take Harris and _Rider_ to the rest of K-Unit, Boar. You boring imbecile." And before Boar could kill him, Eagle grabbed Tom's upper arm, and dragged both Alex and Tom out of the classroom and into the hall.

* * *

**AN~ Haha, 2093 words not including ANs. I'm chuffed. Anyway, there's your chapter!**

**1~Thought about ending it here, but then I changed my mind.**

**2~I'm English, so it's register and not 'roll call' for me.**

**SO? Did you enjoy? Review and tell me so!**


	3. The Meeting Between The Crazies

**The Meeting Between The Crazies**

**AN// I have a reason this is so late! I mean it! The computer deleted every single file and it had to be rebooted. So I pretty much tried to think of a new chapter. This is it, and it's not as good as the original, but it'll suffice! Read and enjoy! ^^**

**Disclaimer: If Alex Rider belonged to me, his next mission will include cross-dressing. ^^ (Though the James character belongs to me... had to add another crazy person ^^. The plot line isn't by me either!)**

* * *

Eagle pretty much _hauled_ Alex and Tom down several corridors in the school, heading towards the head teacher's office, though it was currently occupied by K-Unit and Ben. Eagle had tried to make conversation with the boys to no avail, seeing how they tried desperately to get out of the man's firm grip. They were struggling so much that several students came outside to see what the noise was. The SAS men teaching looked pissed that the 'kids' had ditched the lesson to see 'Druggie Rider' and his best friend getting dragged down a corridor. However, the kids soon went back inside when the older men sent full power glares their way.

Sooner than later, Eagle stopped outside the office with the two teens groaning and moaning next to him, trying to get out of the blonde man's pincer like grip. He grinned at them; his pure white teeth gleaming in the light before kicking open the office door and almost giving the inhabitants a heart attack.

"Oh Jesus...! Bloody hell, Eagle!" Wolf yelled, snarl on his face. "Are you trying to get yourself killed, dammit?!" Snake covered his ears with Wolf's shouting. He was used to it, yes, but not in such a small room. It reverberated against the walls and came back at them. It was the worse torture technique ever invented. That's when Snake and Bear saw the spy and his best friend.

"Hey, Eagle, who're the brats?" Bear grunted and Wolf was startled, a look of surprise in his face before it hardened and he looked at the two kids. He frowned at them and snarled, but neither Alex nor Tom was fazed, they were looking at Ben, who was shaking his head at them, though he did look amused.

"They're Tom Harris and _Alex Rider_," Eagle announced, proudly and Ben rolled his eyes.

"I already knew _that_, Eagle. What _I_ want to know is why you've brought them here," Ben said and Eagle grimaced.

"Well, for the assembly business, then they pulled one in maths and I saved them from Boar's wrath," He said and then blinked. "Hahaha! Maths and wrath! Hahaha!"

Wolf gave Eagle a weird look before looking at the two teens. "Harris, you can go. We need to talk about something with Rider."

Tom rolled his eyes. "If it's about his spy business and why the SAS and MI6 are _really_ here at Brooklands, then I'm staying,"

The room was silent for a minute before Alex stated the obvious. "He knows,"

"No shit, Sherlock," Wolf grounded out and Alex gave the 'the look'.

"My name's Rider, not Sherlock..."

Ben rolled his eyes. "Not now Alex. You're actually quite lucky these guys haven't recognised you,"

Alex snorted. "They're blind, obviously. And plus, you've seen me a lot more than they have recently." Alex smiled. "After all, you're my guardian's boyfriend. When was the last time you came round for dinner?"

Ben grinned sheepishly as he scratched the back of his head. "Oh, well, I've been busy... But I've got an idea Jack ain't happy..."

Alex chuckled as he imagined just what Jack had been like last night. "She's furious. You're her boyfriend going on fiancé and you ditched her for work. She gets angry enough with _me_ doing it,"

Tom's eyes bugged out. "You're _doing_ it?" And with that comment, both Alex and Ben went to smack the short boy around the head. They missed by about a centimetre as Tom ducked. Alex chuckled while Wolf growled, not used to being ignored.

"So we're meant to know Agent Rider?" He scowled and Ben nodded happily.

"Yep, everyone here knows him apart from Bear," He grinned and Wolf was at a loss to just who Alex was.

"I've never heard the name Alex Rider before," Snake frowned and Ben sighed.

"You knew him under the name of Cub," He said and his former team mates stood back in shock, looking at Alex and Ben in varying degrees of shock.

"You're Cub's step-father?!" Eagle said and Alex almost winced. Tom closed his eyes and put a hand on the taller boy's shoulder. Ben groaned as he looked over at the teenagers.

"No, Eagle. I am merely his guardian's boyfriend,"

"Doesn't that make you his step-father?" Snake questioned, confused look upon his face. Ben sighed and shook his head.

"That'll be hard, seeing how I've never known my parents," Alex said coldly and K-Unit flinched away, looking guilty.

"Ah. Sorry, Cub... We didn't know..." Snake said softly and Alex shrugged.

"They died a long time ago. No need to be sorry," He said, rolling his eyes. A second later, Tom grinned and Alex only just noticed it from the corner of his eyes. He frowned and looked towards the short boy. Tom just shrugged and pointedly looked at the door. Alex got the meaning immediately.

He stretched and began edging to the door. "Well, it's been nice seeing you all, but Captain Obvious and I have to go now," He said, sarcasm dripping heavily.

Tom nodded. "Yes, Lieutenant Sarcasm. We must be on our merry way!" And with that, Tom jumped onto Alex's back, promptly making the boy's knees buckle and they landed on the ground, Tom onto of Alex's back. K-Unit and Ben looked at the two, fear on their features.

"What... the fuck...?" Wolf questioned and the others were about to answer when Tom burst out with maniacal laughter. He pulled himself up a centimetre before going back down. K-Unit looked on with morbid expressions while Ben just shook his head at the teens' antics.

"Onwards, my merry stead!" Tom grinned and Alex sighed before looking up at Tom, hurting his neck all the while. He took a deep breath, and then...

"RAPE!" The blonde teen said and Tom was so shocked he was thrown off the teenage spy's back, landing with a heavy thump. The five men looked in shock as Alex high-tailed it out of the office. Tom looked at where he had disappeared before shrugging and getting up from where he had landed. K-Unit was looking at him in denial. Ben had an amused look on his face. Tom rose an eyebrow at him. Ben chuckled.

"He... pulled that on me once... It wasn't pretty. My bosses had just arrived and my girlfriend had let them in, albeit angrily. They found me and Alex in a rough-housing position. And Alex thought it would be _funny_ to yell rape. The heads were in so much shock. And Jack beat me up so bad; I had to go to hospital. Then she found out it was a prank and beat Alex up so bad he had to go to hospital too. We ended up in beds together," Ben explained, his lips curving up into a smile. Tom looked mortified.

"You _ended up in bed together?!_" And with that, Ben tried to hit him over the head again, to no success.

"No, you idiot. We ended up in _beds_ next to each other," Ben rolled his eyes and Tom's mouth rounded into a perfect circle.

"... That must of been _embarrassing_," Tom stage whispered and Ben chuckled. He was about to say something when the weirdest thing happened.

The fire alarm went off.

From all over the school, there were deafening screams and even Tom had to cover his ears.

"Harpies, I tell you! Harpies!" He yelled and K-Unit plus Ben covered their ears too. It was then Alex decided to waltz into the office. He had an ear splitting grin on his face.

"Hello. What did I miss?" He asked cheerfully and the five men gave him 'the look'. He ignored it as he stared intently at Tom.

"Uh... Fire alarm...?" And then Tom understood. A huge smile, bigger than Alex's and more wolfish was on the small boy's face. He then coughed and stated the obvious.

"We should go outside. It's a fire drill, after all," Tom grinned at Alex who rolled his eyes.

"Well _thank you_, Captain Obvious..." He muttered. Tom's grin became bigger, if that was even possible.

"No problem, Lieutenant Sarcasm!" He gave Alex double thumbs up which the blonde boy responded to by smacking his palm upon his head.

"Why, oh _why_, did I become best friends with the insane guy?"

**

Wolf scowled at the students lined up in front of him, chattering endlessly. They wouldn't shut up and it was even making the happy-go-lucky Eagle irritated.

It was the fair haired medic that finally snapped, to everyone's shock.

"SHUT THE FUCK UP YOU FUCKING LOUSY LAYABOUTS FOR BRATS!"

Everyone stared at Snake in shock, even the passive Ben stared while Wolf looked angry at someone taking his limelight. All the children stared at the soldier, fear in their gazes, all except for three innocent looking boys sitting down having-

"Tom, dear, pass over the imaginary tea, please,"

A picnic.

Tom smiled sweetly at Alex as he passed over an invisible teapot. "Here you go, sweetie. After you've done with it pass it to James,"

James, Alex's and Tom's other best friend, smirked and nodded. "Yes, please pass it over to me, sweetheart. And pass the imaginary pot of sugar too. I have a craving for imaginary sugar,"

Alex nodded as he pretended to pour imaginary tea into an imaginary teacup. Once finished, he set the pot down next to James, who promptly picked it up and began to pour his imaginary tea into his imaginary teacup. He then took the imaginary pot of imaginary sugar from Tom's outstretched hands and he picked up an imaginary teaspoon. The imaginary teaspoon dipped itself into the imaginary pot and brought out a large dollop of imaginary sugar. He poured the imaginary sugar into his imaginary tea and swirl it for a bit before setting the imaginary spoon on the floor where the three were sitting. Giving the two a nod, they downed the imaginary tea in one gulp, sighing in relief afterwards and set the cups down.

The SAS men and Ben looked at them in shock.

The school kids looked at them in horror.

"What..." Snake murmured, back in his usual expression, to the relief of the others.

"The..." Bear whispered, with his face turning slowly into a deep and forceful scowl.

"AH, FUCK!" Eagle screamed as he stubbed his toe on an imaginary table leg that appeared out of nowhere.

K-Unit looked at him like he was crazy.

"And he said Tom was the insane one..." Ben muttered, used to little shows like this, just not as extreme. The SAS men looked at him like he was mad.

"Are _you_ crazy?! They're all mental!" Boar cried out, still remembering the maths lesson.

Eagle's eye twitched.

In his mindscape, all he could see were little pink bunnies hopping around a lush meadow. As one bunny went in more, it came across four bunnies; a black one, a brown one and two blonde ones. It was then Eagle realised the bunnies looked like Tom, the other boy – James – and Alex. And then there was his bunny look alike.

And guess what they were doing?

They were having a tea party.

With imaginary tea.

And with that said, Eagle burst out of his mind with a maniacal cry and everyone looked at him sharply, expecting him to be shot by an enemy.

So they were thoroughly shocked when Eagle ran over to the three crazy boys and sat down next to Tom and James and took an imaginary cup for himself.

"Pass the imaginary teapot, please, sugar," Eagle asked James, who smiled at the enthusiasm of the blonde haired blue eyed soldier. He passed the imaginary teapot over and Eagle went off preparing his imaginary tea with imaginary milk and imaginary sugar.

The SAS men looked on in horror and then _Ben_ started to twitch.

"No... Not you _too_ Fox," Wolf exclaimed and Ben shook his head.

"Hell no. I'm just wondering if it's too late to hand in the resignation form,"

* * *

And DONE!

Finally! This took me the last week to write due to school. It sucks and all but it's the best I can come up with after the computer killed the original.

However, I guess the original didn't have the imaginary tea bit in. That happened to me and my mates yesterday. We got drunk on imaginary tea. Good ol' days.

I will update in the next two weeks! (And if I don't you guys have the right to kill me in any way possible...)

Don't forget to review!


	4. In Which Wolf Is Humiliated

WARNING! Slight M for mentions of weird stuff.

* * *

After the craziness concerning three schoolboys and a grown man, all the students headed back to their classes. The SAS men trailing behind were in shock and thinking of a way to make some certain peoples' lives hell.

Alex, Tom and James followed a prancing Eagle to their own lesson; English.

The youngest three were complaining vehemently about it.

"I don't get why we have English!" James howled. "I mean, we were brought up as English, why the hell do we have to learn it all over again?"

Tom waggled his head heatedly. "Yeah! It's not like we're going to use Shakespeare and that ridiculous poetry in the future!"

Alex rolled his eyes. "Dost thy spite thee English?"

Tom and James gave the blond a weird look as Eagle pulled a face in puzzlement.

"I have no idea what you just said, and I have the faint idea Blondie there doesn't either,"

Eagle was about to protest when-

"I TAKE OFFENCE TO THAT! I'M BLOND TOO, YOU-!"

A special teenage spy interrupted him.

However, before Alex could finish, James had opted to slap his hand over the younger blond's mouth.

"Alexandra, shut up," He giggled and Alex stopped his struggling to stare at James with wide and horror filled eyes.

"Did you..." He started with an apprehensive tone once James let his hand away. "Did you just _giggle_?" The face on the younger blond showed he was mortified.

James nodded, and giggled again. "My, my Alexandra! You have become simply _beautiful_! I am so proud of you darling!"

Alex looked shocked for a minute, with Tom and Eagle looking like they were about to laugh, when someone screamed.

Alex and Eagle quickly settled into defensive stances while James looked scared and Tom...

Tom pulled out a light-saber?

The three others stared at the smallest teen in confusion. Tom merely shrugged.

"Uncle Luke gave it to me last Christmas," He explained and the others looked at each other before dismissing the notion. Tom was clearly crazy. But weren't they all?

Suddenly, Wolf skidded into the corridor, panting heavily with a look of pure terror on his face.

Meanwhile, the four crazies cracked up laughing.

Wolf scowled at them.

Tom's grip slacked on the light-saber and it tumbled to the ground, rolling away loudly. It didn't stop them from their laughing, though, when suddenly Luke Skywalker walked onto the scene sneakily and stole back his light-saber. _This is what I get for lending that English fool my precious,_ He thought to himself, scowl directed at Tom. He soon disappeared, though, when he saw none of the idiots were paying any attention to him. They were too busy howling in laughter at the angry Wolf.

You're probably all wondering why they are laughing at Wolf.

Well, it happened like this...

**Flashback no Jutsu! (This Isn't Naruto, dammit!)**

_It was Wolf's turn to finally teach a lesson, and what a class he got; a lesson full of year elevens. In an art converted into a dance room. Paint bottles were everywhere as they made space for the dancing. The year eleven students were silent until one brave boy smirked. He turned to the guy next to him, his best friend, as a matter of fact._

"_Want to play a game?" He whispered but it was as clear as day for the whole class to hear, seeing how it was so silent._

_The other boy smirked as he pushed his cool glasses up his nose. "Why, yes. I think I do." The smirks became wider, before the first boy opened his mouth to speak._

"_Your penis is small,"_

"_Your penis is large," The glasses boy countered and Wolf's eyes bugged out. He had been trying to ignore them for a while now, but that was unforgettable. Before he could reprimand them for it, though, someone else joined in._

"_My tits are bigger than yours," A girl grinned evilly, glancing at the back of Wolf's head. "Want to see?"_

_The two boys nodded vigorously as many of the men got nose bleeds thinking about the girl showing off her breasts. However, another person joined in._

"_I think I can cram the old man's cock down my throat," A handsome, rugged boy told them, devilish smirk on his face. Now Wolf seriously dreaded taking this task of protecting the Rider boy. _

"_I reckon I can get him into a pink frilly tutu," _

_And before Wolf could do anything about it, the door was locked and there was no way out as the girl and rugged boy made their way towards him. The girl got the tutu on him and the boy was about to get started when the Hispanic man let out a loud scream, making the kids fall back. He darted to the door before kicking it down and running for his life, finally coming across Eagle, Alex, James and Harris with a light-saber... What is the world coming to?_

**End Flashback!**

And so thus, Wolf was swearing profusely and three teenagers were chortling with the hilarity of it all while Eagle was on the floor. This was rich, especially when it came to Wolf.

"S-Shut up, all of you!" Wolf growled.

That was when the rest of K-Unit decided to show up.

Soon, it wasn't just Eagle on the floor.

* * *

Ten minutes later, the three teens were sat in English with laugher circulating all around the school. Alex, Tom and James had finally gotten bored of it all after Eagle and Ben had taken a few pictures and posted them around school. To say the Year Eleven Dance Class was smug was an understatement.

They were laughing along with K-Unit, barring Wolf.

Another great fact was some of the pictures were being sent to several higher-ups... Say, Alan Blunt, Tulip Jones, and the worse for Wolf, the Sergeant.

There was a rumour going round that a _video _was taken, and was sent to the Hispanic man's family and the Prime Minister, just so they could see what the SAS men were like in their mission time... They would only just be able to imagine how silly they are in their free time.

Meanwhile, four men were getting beaten to the ground by an angry Wolf.

James smirked over at Alex and Tom as a dirty blond, muscled man with tanned skin finally walked in and looked over the class with a critical eye. However, it was kind of obvious he was amused because the corners of his mouth kept flicking up as he heard a scream coming from Eagle.

He was the well-known, atrocious Lion.

Though he was called Lioness for a while when his unit sneaked a wig on him, with the help of Eagle. After that, the man had a severe hate directed towards the other blond.

Eagle hadn't notice; he was having too much fun playing with shopping trolleys.

There is a story behind that which Snake tells every year on Eagle's birthday, and has thus been dubbed 'Eagle's Magical Adventure of the Shopping Trolley'. Maybe one day, I'll post it up, for everyone else to enjoy!

Anyhow, back on with the amazing story...

Lion prowled to the front and centre of the class, arms behind his back as he smirked evilly.

It's not shock to find out Alex and James smirked back just as evilly.

Tom was filing his nails and devising a plan to get back that light saber.

Yes, he truly is crazy.

'_Not as crazy as that Luke fellow though…'_

In a different dimension, a certain Skywalker sneezed.

Many of the class were contemplating Tom's mental state, seeing how he was filing his nails, something only cheerleaders do and preps.

It was safe to safe to say the preps at the back of the room were talking animatly about Tom's actions and gossiping like the School Queens they are.

It was certain Lion was pissed.

No, not angry pissed, (Though he was peeved at all the chatter) moreover like drunk pissed.

Eagle slipped the vodka in his lemonade... Again.

"Now..." Lion slurred as he swaggered up the isles between the desks. "Toodase, I wants yous ta work on whvatever yous're workins' on. Clears, bratschs?"

The class shared a look that simply said 'he's drunk. I'm scared.' And then spoke up as one voice. "Yes, Sirs,"

Lion smirked widely. "Goodsch,"

By the end of the class, Lion had passed out, the class was in chaos, James found some paint and Tom was meditating.

Wait... Meditating, you're all asking.

Well, the Harris really DID want his light-saber back; it was only a matter of time before he got what he want.

"I have it!" He shouted suddenly just as the bell went. "Listen to my solution!"

Suffice to say, almost all the occupents of the room, barring Alex and James, some of them dragging Lion behind them for... hostage situations.

"Tom..." Alex started sharply.

"Shut up," James graoned and Tom blinked.

He pointed behind the two's heads, towards the window, mouth wide open in shock as he looked dramatic. "T-t-t-t-t..."

James sighed while Alex rolled his eyes. "Yes Tom?"

"The... It's the guy from Spongebob with my LIGHT-SABER!"

Alex looked disbelieving while James looked like he was going to laugh. "No, it's my great aunt Fanny,"

From behind a rose bush, an old woman cursed and stood up, a name scrawled across her apron. _'That boy always knows I'm here! Well, I, Great Aunt Fanny Floo, will come back for your body, James I-forgot-your-last-name!'_

James sneezed and Alex looked concerned. "Have you got a cold, Jamie?"

The guy without a last name shook his head. "Nah, my great aunt Fanny is thinking about me again... no doubt she's going to see great uncle Willy, now..."

Tom and Alex gave James a freaked out look. "Dude, your family has weird names..."

James grinned. "Don't I know it."

* * *

Eagle caught up with the boys just as they headed to their break. He was panting and seemingly unharmed but he kept groaning when he ran to catch up with them. Alex guessed his legs had been hurt... Or he'd been kicked in the Crown Jewels, most probably the latter.

"Hey... boys..." the blond panted as he walked carefully at Alex's right side. "Getting Wolf pissed... angry... is not the... greatest idea... in the world..."

Alex gave him the look. "You've only just realised that?"

Eagle glared at him weakly. "I'm slow on the uptake; I was dropped on my head at birth."

Tom smirked. "Same."

Eagle's eyes widened slightly. "Really? I would never have guessed!"

James gave the blond a wide eyed look. "And you're in the SAS?"

Eagle nodded proudly. "Too right I am! I'm an amazing SAS soldier!"

From around a corner, they heard some snickers but the three teens realised it was some of the other soldiers. Eagle didn't even notice.

"Hey, is that...?" James exclaimed suddenly as they neared the lunch room. On the floor was a sponge.

A yellow sponge with eyes and pants on.

"Spongebob, my love!" James cried in joy, eyes full of tear from the relief. He picked up the sponge and hugged it tightly. "I missed you... I thought I lost you..."

Tom sighed. "You're killing him, James. You have smothered Spongebob with your big boobs,"

James suddenly released his 'beloved sponge' as he checked for a pulse.

"No!" He cried in regret and sadness. "He's dead!"

"So what, get a new sponge..." A boy said as he walked past them and into the lunch room. Alex, Eagle and Tom soon entered as well, eager to get away from the sobbing James who had become emotionally unstable.

"Is he... Always like that?" Eagle asked once the two best friends were in the food line.

"Not always, just when he kills an inanimate object he loves," Alex told him offhandedly.

"Oh."

Tom suddenly frowned. "Hey Eagle, can I ask you something?"

Eagle smirked; no doubt the question would be stupid. "Shoot, kid."

Tom's eyes widened. "Don't shoot me!"

Eagle blinked and fixed tom a glare. Tom cleared his throat.

"Well... You know OUR name... What's yours?"

And time completely froze.

* * *

AN/ Well, Kuso *hounded by tomatoes for lateness.* I'm sorry! I... kinda forgot about my upcoming exams... and... Well... I've been working on other fics, reading toehr ones and I kept on getting distracted. Personally, I don't think this is funny at all and there's a lot of stuff that don't belong to me.

Disclaimer: Nothing in this chapter belong to I, TribalForEagle, except the random guy, Great Aunt Fanny Floo and Great Uncle Willy and finally James no-last-name.

I just realised I left it at a cliff hanger... I already have the name prepared, and hopefully it'snot too wacky...

Anyway, I hoped you enjoyed this chapter and don't forget to review!

They make me warm inside 3

I should be able to post before the summer holidays start in three weeks.

Ja ne!

Side Note: Ja ne is Japanese. Look it up.

Side Note Two: Flames make me warmer as I get enchanced by the pretty flames.

EDIT; Thanks to hurrybee, I've fixed some of the grammer problems my laptop causes. Most of it was written on the computer, but recently, because I'm on holiday, it's been written on laptop so everything sucks. Sorry for the inconvenience.


	5. Not an update Author's Note

Hi guys. I guess the first thing I should say is it's been a long time.

I'm actually surprised that I still get the odd review and favourite on all of my stories, since how I've never really considered myself a good writer. It's good for the support and I'm only sorry I've not gotten this note to you sooner.

I am the author of a lot of fanfictions and fictions alike. I'm now in Year Ten, and for the British reader, you should know what this year is going to be like for me. (For the un-British, I'll sum it up in one word; hell.) I've got exams left, right and centre; I've even got an exam tomorrow morning which I'm not looking forward to.

However, as New Year has just passed, I told myself I would get back into the habit of writing. I have a trip abroad in April, though, so I've been preparing for that via writing a story centred on the culture and customs of that country. So far, it's at 20k+ words and only a few chapters in with a lot of ideas still in mind. I still have fics I'm very interested in writing (This one, a Naruto one and several others on this site and various others) but as my writing skills have improved over the last few months, I told myself I'd rewrite the fanfictions I've left for several months due to personal problems. Chances are, the first one won't be posted until after my trip in April, but even then it should be something to look forward to.

Thank you for all the support you've given me over the months. I hope when I officially come back, you'll all still be as supportive.

Thank you :)


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